Breaking Through

The end of the year is upon us.

Time for reflection, at least for me. As I review the least 12 months, what went well? Where can I make improvements in the coming year? How can I do things differently? Where have I experienced growth in my life, my relationships? Where do I still have work to do? What are my goals for the next 12 months? What felt good? What felt.....not so great?

I am a BIG fan of Danielle LaPorte's work. Truth be told, I find great comfort in listening to her speak....she's got one of those voices. You know, the kind where the person could read the phone book and you would be enthralled and captivated for hours on end? Like THAT.
The bonus is that what  she says is just as fabulous as the way in which she says it.
If you're not familiar with her work, check her out here:

This year has been challenging, to put it mildly. While there were some MAJOR highlights (Tuscany!), much of this year has not felt great. Some personal struggles, some family stuff, losses, work issues, relationship funkiness....lots of "ick".
The heart of Danielle's work deals about your Core Desired Feelings (CDF). Rather than focusing on your goals as the end point, she suggests shifting your focus to how you want to feel, and using those feelings to inform the decisions you make regarding your work, relationships, creativity, etc.
I have started the work several times, but never finished. I would imagine that I'm come up against some resistance, which has prevented me from following through on the exercises. Not that I'm surprised....feelings, especially uncomfortable ones, are not fun. For the majority of my life, I did everything I could to avoid them! Suffice it to say that THAT didn't work so well. ;-)
So now that I've been learning to get "up close & personal" with my feelings (ugh), what exactly have I learned? Well, for one thing, the work never ends!
There was a period, about 5 or 6 years ago, where everything was pretty great: felt comfortable in my skin, happy, content, fulfilled, productive. I felt like people and situations were showing up in my life to add to the joy that I felt inside. I felt like I was attracting the life that I wanted.
Fast forward a few years, things are very different. Not feeling so great in my skin, feeling lost, untethered, not as productive as I'd like to be, adrift. Not surprisingly, I'm finding that my outer world is aligned with the way I'm feeling. More "ick".

The good news is that I have a spiritual/physical practice that helps me to work some of that "ick" out. I also have a (until recently) neglected practice of self-reflection and meditation to support that interior work. Most importantly, I have a treasured group of people, my "helpers", who provide support and unconditional love as I try to sort these feelings out. Thank God for them!

So I was deep in conversation with one of my "helpers" tonight and had a revelation: sometimes what feels like a breakdown  is actually a breakthrough!  (cue choir of angels singing!)

Looks like I'm gonna pull out that book (The Desire Map) again!
Back to those CDF's.....HOW do I want to feel? HOW do those feelings inform the decisions I make on HOW I live my life? 
Practice, practice, practice.